taking it

She rises inside me like tides and crashes against me like gods against Exeter.

She was my satisfier, momentary recompense.

She was always there. Everywhere, I saw her. She commanded me to more than a military duty of her. She promised me nothing, on the terms of selfless obededience to her. She would have me stir fate with her.

She would not release me. She would be the beast in me. Insatiable, unsatisfied. To feed her was to slash my wrists and give myself to trust that she will save me, if just to prolong this tryst. Surrender was never to love her, but to believe like a fool hits his knees for a holy father, that she will value me as more than a lover. 

And I do this, because all men are maddened when relegated for a time, to deserted islands.

Addict dead

I’ll hold you, love, until you can breathe again

And kiss your head while whispering sweet things I never said.

I’ll shiver as it’s leaving me, as you already left me, and realize your heart beating, I will never feel again.

You took our last stand. I land in several hours, and then I land on the far ground.

modern dating

You move through me like smoke through a tragedy 

Deep beat booming from your heart 

From your body in me

Strident, driving me to be something so much more than what’s in me.

Capable of taking every moment, every second, molding me into it, it into me.

But then you come within me like a purpose.

Make me take you, hold you with a chemical bond.

Make the structure of our love, an anatomical discover…

And then slip away. 

Nothing. Not a text and not a song.

Just a silence. Moving on. 

On to another one.

Horror Story #9

The faults along my sleek facade shiver with the shudder
As my plates’ shift for a smile for a passer by.
I marvel at the Dhalias that dance while I maraud.
Windows whisper cautiously to tread as I do, so softly.

  
This distempered denizen that I fear I’m embroiled,
Begets the face of heaven in the eyes of my ungod.
Still they lay, drawing in their breath as yet unsavored.
Basking in their gentle peace, I sit with them awhile.

It’s the mother, always she, that stirs at my disenergy,
Feigns her sleep betraying her with scattered inhalation.
Careful not to call attention to the chaos now ensued,
I rise to the attention of the call, and it’s begun.

One step, two step, she relies on some thing stronger.
Father’s fevered sleep hangs on, he rises just to fall before her.
No splatter with the crack but rather crumbles down with blunted clamor.
The game is past the first half and the vile rages onward.

Moments gallop rapidy, two children still sleep softly
Till the rash cacophony of his devoted lover, becomes alone.
Father do you still sleep softly with this needle in my arm.
Mother, hard I’ve hunted for a fluid family, one by one.

  
the children arent young.
nor was I,
back when what was done was done
and I begged to die.

The fall of man is endless
Each step another mile.
Once we fully catch ourself,
We’re totally in rabid binding.

Two boys, one golden tricycle stranded on the lawn.
A teeter-totter in the rear, an empty bowl and languid dog.
All the fair accoutrements
Furtile fears to prey upon.

Mace them and place them in industrial trash bags.
Wriggling and ravenous for some foreign compassion.
Mother bound and gagged to watch the party in the plastic.
By the time the father stirs,
I’ve aquired my fantastic.

my gift is hope.
boys claw out of their bags.
free their mother.
father rouses to the madness.

The sovereign and malicious monster broiling inside,
Begs to carry on beyond me.
And feed it like a vice, and kick it just before the eyes.
And this time drown the demon in the pool they built outside.

the end

Embers

Scorched remains smolder from our battles waged on sovereign ground.
Founded on a tryst that still bleeds Cabernet and bourbon.

Faults that I confessed I honored,
Long before I honored trust.

Mornings she would follow me with deep, still eyes
Rivaling the warmth and glory of the sunrise

Mornings she left crisply, heavy arguments pursed,
Piloting her compromise, evasively durst

Spires once I recklessly fed with her firm breast
Dying embers crackle now, smoldering in darkness.

Tho wickedness of her kiss, the coldness of its end.
The promise in a fifth, the warmth of its destruction.

  

cat thief

I tiptoe into your room, unshoed.

Toes crackling in the absence of light.

The foot of your bed, so far from your body’s end.

I step hard on a sudden chaotic,

And it sends you into irrefutable distress, still asleep.

So I watch you for over an hour and experience your stirring recess.

And I follow your breathing pattern

And feel the temperature rising, .

Moving closer, peering in, thick synthetic carpet cushioning my naked feet.

You stop stirring, and I slip out as swiftly as a stolen thought.

Though still, my scent persists its presence, dense and acrid and malicious.

Thus, I was just in to say hello, to souls and shadows. 

Tomorrow we will get know each other once again, when we will hunt each other.

We will haunt each other till the bitter end.

She Is.

my island. Where I was made. What I am become of, there I am one with all of every pulse and heartbeat and every lilac and lizard and lovely little thing, every faerie and fantastic thing, and every nightshade and aroma, and every caw and hum belongs to me as much as I belong to it. But I cannot bear it. For an eternity, oblivious, I just now realized.

I am a god. 

And, my God has abandoned me. And I am alive and love to discover this paradise that’s now so far from me. I long to learn it and be inside of this universe.

I don’t know what made me, but I can’t fathom an existence where it didn’t make you too. You for me. Me for you. Calamity apart.

You, to be a part of me, and me, a part of you. In evolution of this vision, I saw you, and I, meld in marriage of an immaculate verity. And we became a cacophonous light in every wavelength  and every color and crashing beams of  blasting chaos through black cave walls, shimmering glossed with years of silence.

But you’re too young to have me now. Your mind must be harder. More alive.

.

And she left me, dead asleep. 2015. I was young. Pretty young.

I never thought it was a dream. I was lucid. It was real. Ethereal, but real. You just have to let that sort of stuff go. But stays with you, inside, in that same place. And i just have to go there. 

Or, like what just happened, one night, that “place” came back to me.